Umbrellas...

Step by step I drop, making my way to the first floor of my work building; more specifically, the back door. Pushing the handle, I allow the sweetest sounds of cars roaring for their driver’s freedom and the rain pouring fast and hard. I pull out my umbrella put step out into the cold slippery pavement only to step back inside, for in the warm quiet sanctuary of this carpeted stairwell was a man. I noticed him after I heard the following words coming from his direction.

“What the hell!?” he says.

He notices me noticing him and explains in further detail through another question. “How did you get your umbrella to stay open like that?”

I looked at mine, stretched and erect, not really understanding it’s mechanics. You see, here in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, rain is not our specialty. Now, give us a snow shovel and we’ll clear a sidewalk for you in minutes, but umbrellas?? The one in my hands isn’t even really mine!

“Well, mine has a button you press,” I state in a Jim Gaffigan kind of tone, “…and it has flowers.”

We attempt to open his umbrella but there was no clicky-stopper-mechanism to keep the darn thing stretched open. He compare umbrellas for a few minute until a lady from up stairs comes down with her leopard print rain shelter. She joins the party and after 10 minutes I quit and leave them to it.

The soft hallow taps on the outstretched cloth above my head puts me in a pondering mood and I make this here connection. Umbrellas are like relationships. They are designed to keep you dry from the rain but they have their flaws. Some rip while others flip over backwards from the wind. Some have buttons. Some you got to push open manually. Then there are some that don’t stay open at all. There hasn’t even been any break through improvements to their design since they were first invented! Oh, then there are some that lightning is attracted to and you get hit and die.

Actually, umbrellas are nothing like relationships. Whatever! I can't give you awesome blogs every fucken day ok!