You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I’ve been told this many times. “Well, that’s stupid,” I use to think. “Cause here in my hand is a cake. And now I’m eating it too. Nom nom nom.” But as I grew older I started to understand its meaning (or I think I do) and the statement made more sense. Basically, you'll never get everything you want. Sacrifice is a part of life. Priority is in the eye of the beholder. You give to get. You compromise to live. Except if you’re a bicyclist that commutes on the street every god damn morning. You guy think you’re drivers and pedestrians all at the same time. Don’t even get me started.
Take David Beckham for a minute. That dude is a good looking guy, a great athlete, a model, maybe even a cyborg for all we know. But have you ever heard that guy talk? His voice is the goofiest thing I’ve ever heard. If you haven't heard it, think gargoyle meets dorky nerd with helium in his lungs. Now I’m not that religious or anything but every time I hear that voice, I picture God up in Heaven making people on a conveyor belt. Like before David Beckham was born, his fetus was lifeless on this conveyor belt and God was sprinkling stuff on him; a dash of Height, a teaspoon of Humor, and when God reached for the shaker labeled “good looks, great athlete, and maybe cyborg” she didn’t realize that some of the angels loosened the twist cap and BAM! David Beckham gets overflowed with it. So what does God do? She decides to skip the “manly voice” shaker just to even it out. Then she probably killed some angels. Then moved on to Tom Cruise's lifeless fetus.
So David, in case you were cursing the Heavens every night, wondering why you have such strange vocals, this blog right here will answer all your questions. You can’t have your cake and eat it too brother. Or should I say, "you can’t have good looks, be a great athlete, a model, and maybe a cyborg AND have a manly voice too, unless you become a bicyclist, then you're just an asshole." Let’s make that a new saying!
Nic Cage as the "Maggot Brain" Cover Model
4 years ago