The Sorrow Period

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my last big break up, it’s this. Give yourself a grievance period. And by this I mean, plan a start date and an end date. Within this time, allow yourself to dwell in your sorrow. Do whatever you need to, even if it makes things worst; cry hard and loud in the shower while eating a ham sandwich screaming “oh god why?!” as many times as needed; drive your truck at 3am to her house, headlights off, and just stare at her front door; make collages of all the things that would be in your wedding when you win her heart back using Sears catalogs and pictures of the two of you together. Regular things like that. But after that period is over, you move on. Through the art of documentation, I, well, documented my sorrow period.

*note, though some of the items below are lies and never happened, all of it is true.

8:35am – Wake up. Sorrow Period begins. Cry.

8:40am – Lay awake in bed staring into the abyss (ceiling) while listening to Pomplamoose’s cover of Makin’ Out, our song, over and over again.

9:00am – Brush teeth and take a shower.

9:07am – Collapse in the shower and silently open-mouth-cry, periodically releasing a loud scream until I get all wrinkly.

9:40am – Prepare breakfast to the tune of Come On, Come Out by A Fine Frenzy with a big smile on my face, realizing that life moves on!

10:00am – Set both plates of scrambled eggs and toast on the table, realizing that I prepared her a plate.

10:05am – After staring at the plates for 5 mins, I remember that she is gone and throw a fit, turning over the table, breaking the glasses and plates that sat on it.

10:13am – Breathing heavy on the ground next to the mess

10:15am – See a piece of broken glass that looks like the perfect shape to cut my wrist with

10:17am – Chickened out of committing suicide and clean up the mess

10:30am – Apologized to my dogs for the out burst that occurred 15mins ago and promised that it will never happen again

11:30am – Break my living room window by throwing laptop threw it after looking through all the pictures of her and I. Wedding, vacation, concert pictures…

12:00pm – Ate stuffing I bought at Superstore for lunch while apologizing to my dogs again.

12:30pm – Wrote a list of things that she promised me and consequently broke through leaving.

1:00pm – Drink last of the 12 pack Keith’s that I started 15mins prior.

2:00pm – Wake up to find myself in my underwear, body covered in what taste like caramel with a red thong in my hand that I believe was hers

2:15pm – George, my neighbour at front door takes back his wife’s red thong that I supposedly stole from their laundry line.

3:00pm – Call my ex up from a pay phone and hang up when she answers, repeat this for the next hour or so.

4:47pm – Run out of change. Text her from my iPhone saying “yeah, so I’ll pick you up at 8 and we’ll go to that expensive restaurant ok?”

4:55pm – She replies, “what?”

4:56pm – I reply, “oops. That was supposed to go to Shanay-nay, my new IMPROVED gf. Pls ignore.”

5:00pm – She replies, “whatever…”

5:15pm – Make a time line of our relationship, from when we met to the day we broke up, using my memory and journal entries as reference.

6:50pm – Share my new time line with my dogs, Maggy and Lionel, in a 1 hour presentation, with soundtrack music that I burnt.

7:45pm - Spend the next hour arguing with Maggy about the accuracy and truth in my presentation. "Yes she really said that Maggy! I just forgot to tell you about it that's all!"

9:34pm – Get into bed and sing “Leave” by Matchbox 20 acapella to a moon lit sky then cry. Take a shot of Nyquil to ease the pain.

10:07pm – Pass out. Sorrow period is over….hopefully.

Dealing with pain is important. But you got to look it in the eye if you really want to get past it. One day of ridiculous acts sure beats a lifetime of depression and bitterness. Don’t you agree?