Work Out More Than Your Body

The sweat crawls down his forehead, pass focused eyes, tracing a face that does not reflect the intensity of the workout that his body is going through right now. His breathing holds steady and rhythmic, each foot forward is strong and controlled. Knees cushion his torso like they were born to do so; the dense cement trails in this valley does not bother him. In perfect form he passes beginners as they surrender to their body; broken down to a mere walk. And he snickers to himself and thinks, “been there. Did that.” But out loud he encourages, “you’re doing great! Don’t give up now ma’am!” And on he jogs with his ipod in hand.

Yeah, that’s kind of what I am. So god-like in those jogging shorts, you know? And I know what you are thinking, especially the ladies. You’re thinking, “He’s so determined and focus, he probably doesn’t even notice me when he runs by,” and then you sigh and eat a chocolate bar. Not true. For your entertainment, I’ll let you into the telepathic social community of guys in the workout environment.

The other day I was doing my 10k jog (no big deal) and a female in her work out gear was power walking towards me on the two lane trail. A bicyclist was gaining way behind her and he wanted to pass her but I was in the other lane. So he slowed down. He looked me in the eye and telepathically asked me, “hey bro, is this chick in front of me cute?”

“Let’s just say that I want some fries with dat shake, know what I mean?” I replied. “I think she’s a 30-26-33.” We laughed in our minds while he passes her and we imagined ourselves high fiving each other.

About 3 km later I approached a guy jogging at a slow pace behind a cutie pie. I go to pass him and I said, telepathically of course, “Dude, I know you can push harder than that! Come on man.”

He looked at me, “My brother, I got a good view from here. 36-24-38! You feel me, playah?” Which was kind of strange because he was the whitest guy I ever saw.

“Yeah, ok. I gotcha!...my brother.” And he was right. It was a great view.

With 2kms left on my run, I caught up with two gentlemen who looked to have just started. I heard them telepathically eyeing a sweet piece of ass as I approached.

“Look at the ass on that one, Gary.” The one guy thought, “I would tear that up!”

“Rod, you are soo right. Probably works that out vigorously,” the other guy agreed.

“Who we looking at guys? What time, what time? Oh, the 35-28-37 at 2 o’clock? No, no, it’s the 28-24-30 at 12 o’clock right? Am I right? High five?!” Yeah, I’m a man’s man, you know?

“Actually, we were talking about you, Asian Persuasion.” They both looked over at me, undressing me with their eyes; raping me with their lips, impregnating me with their…dick?

…..I’m gonna stop with that now.

“…….” Speechless. “Yeah I work it out!” I ran off feeling like a piece of meat, but at the same time a little flattered.

I reached my truck and did my post stretches, eyeing the new water bottle I got the other day. Damn, I was thirsty. You should see this bottle. It got curves for days! 10-8-13! Bam! Booty booty booty! I tilt it to my mouth and chug.

…..

*SPIT* Old old warm water mixed with what tasted like coffee…. Gross.

So work out more than your body ok?

*Note, my over confident tone is contrived to make a point. 60% of the time I'm 100% not like that.