Stare, It'll Last Longer (Valentines Day Advice)

I lean back in the wooden stool like I had just been relieved from holding steal beam over my head all day. My arm rests on the ergonomically incorrect design of the old polished seat that matches the rest of this fine establishment. The bar in front of me, still sticky from the customers before me, welcomes me just the same as Walmart greeters, only more sincerely. Phillip, the bar tender re-introduces me to a chilled clear glass filled with Alexander Keith’s. I’m talking about beer of course. It’s 5:15 on a Monday evening; a time when your tie hangs loosely around your collared dress shirt; a time when the sounds of screaming waitresses and pool balls colliding is just the kind of silences you’ve been dying for; a time when nothing matters more than this piece of glass right in front of you. I take a sip.

You ever have a drink of something great and all you can do is hold up the container it’s in and stare at it as your mouth explores the after taste? Well, right now, that’s the relationship I’m having with this beer. And it makes me think. I’ve had a lot of beers in my day and for some reason it feels like this is my first. Then I realized why. It’s because we neglect our drinks. Yeah, excellent point reader number one. For those who didn’t hear, reader number one said, “You’re a fucking idiot. How can it be neglected if it’s in our hands almost 100% of the time and our lips touch the glass every couple of minutes?!? Fuck your mother!” First off, just settle down. Like I just said, you are right. We do hold our glasses of wine quite elegantly in it’s beautiful red coat. Yes, when we are talking to our colleagues about the economy or the weather or that next bestseller novel, we take the time to place our lips on it, even smelling it’s fragrance every now and then. And agreed, when that hockey game is on, we have a place for our cups right beside us on the couch and when no one is looking we even hug it a little. But how many times do we do what I just did above? Taken a sip and than take the time to just watch it?

I remember an incident that took place in a local mall. I was walking through a crowd of window shoppers, when gliding towards me was the nicest female figure I had ever seen. There are some bodies that you clap politely and nod yes simultaneously at, some where you drop your drink accidentally because of, and others where you say “Gawd Damn!” in sync with a stranger next to you, who happens to be a priest. This sweet thangs' body was the “Gawd Damn!” one fo sho! Too bad she was hand in hand with this overly built hulky dude that looked like he was wearing one of her shirts. Can you say tight? Anyways, so they are headed in our direction and Father Bill and I are doing what guys do best - dumping everything out of our memory bank to make room for imagines of hot chicks for later use. Oh grow up reader number two! Writers often memorize things as best they can so that we can describe it in articles for your reading pleasure! I can’t speak for Father Bill though. Anyways, as she approached, my heart sunk like a bowling ball in the ocean. Miss. Gawd Damn is no other than a girl that I broke up with weeks before! “What the fuck” is right reader number one hundred and three, thank you. Either she just got some work done or I just stop noticing what a gorgeous girl she was. I mean, we spend all this time under the covers, in the dark, holding hands, hugging, kissing, writing notes, sending flowers, talking on the phone and all those close-up activities we forget what we look like from a distances.



So here’s my advice to you all as valentines day approaches. Next time you are out, take the time to watch that special someone work the room at a party. Take note of their reaction to comments, their excitement as they conversate, their body language, the many air bubbles that float to the surfaces, the layer of foam at the top, the bits of dew that travel down the sides of the glass….sigh. You’ll find yourself falling in love all over again. So take your time. Slow your roll. Besides, chugging it would only cause you to eventually throw up. I’m talking about beer of course. Reader number sixty-two, you can go to the bathroom now, I’m done.