I Like Long Walks on the Beach and Accountability

"I want everyone to run in circles counter clockwise along the walls of this gym. If you bump into anyone or get bumped by anyone you're out! Last one running will receive some candy." Mrs O'Keefe, grade 6 physical education teacher.

“Why!?” The class protested. Rightly so. It was highly unfair for us to be punished for someone else’s clumsiness, let alone our own!

"Because that's life my darlings." This statement resonated in my mind for the better part of my childhood without much significant.



I feel like Ryan Bingham in the movie Up in The Air sitting in this dim lit boardroom in my dress shirt and tie (pants too), across from Mrs. Holly Simpson who is sobbing uncontrollably. I am a Human Resource Advisor for an engineering firm but right this moment I am just plain bored. Five minutes ago I terminated her employment due to a performance issues. Before you call me a cold hearted prick for the wrong reasons, let me explain. You see, between her and I there is a table. And on this table are four documents outlining her poor performance on four, count ‘em, four separate occasions. This pile includes a warning letter which states that one more strike and you're outta there Missy, and a termination letter, dated for today. I’m bored because her reaction is nothing new to me. It's the same not-so-worthy Oscar performance I saw the first three times in this very space. Watching her fumble through excuses is like watching a clown doing something other than being funny or evil; just plain awkward. Imagine Bonzo or Krusty seriously working a desk job. I rest my case. Actually, now it’s kinda funny. The clown, not Holly. Wait, now it’s both kinda funny.

"I know you've given me plenty of chances and I haven’t quite complied, but I've been so busy at home with my three children and Ronnie just got laid off so we are so stressed."

“I can appreciate your circumstances Holly but how does that explain your lack of consideration for your co-workers? All we ask of you is to let us know half an hour before your shift if you can't make it in.”

I, for one, have grown to believe that accountability is an underrated characteristic in people. Think about when you are introducing a fairly fantastic friend (alliteration bitches!) to someone. "Hey George, I'd like you to meet Shelly one day. She's pretty; good sense of humor; smart; a great cook; loves sports! But best of all, she's accountable!" Sounds stupid right? Sure. But should it? I mean Shelly's accountability could really make it or break it for George. What I’m saying is I would have had more respect for Holly, as she stormed out of the boardroom, had she just responded, “Thank you for your patience with me. I understand your decision and accept full responsibility for my actions. I have a lot of things to sort out in my life and this is a great wake up call.”

So I was soaring like a track runner, focused on the next turn ahead of me in this elementary school gymnasium when out of nowhere Danny Williams catches my heel with his big ass foot, sending us both flying to the door steps of the scraped-knees-and-embarrassment house.

“Danny, you’re outta there!” called my umpire wannabe teacher. She points at me. “And so are you!”

“Thank you for the opportunity Mrs. O’Keefe. It’s unfortunate that Danny ran into me. Had I been more attentive, as that was the point of this exercise, I would have used my peripherals to spot Danny’s uncontrolled running and avoided this collision. I will show myself to the bench now,” was not my response. Far from it. My real reaction was, “That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!” as if someone had called George Clooney a moron. “If it wasn’t for Danny McStupid here, I’d still be running!” Man I wanted the candy reward badly.

"You'll understand when you're older, Kiddo," she replied, chuckling at the follies of youth. "But for now, I’m writing your name down for detention because of that comment you fucking brat!"

Why is it that everything else is to blame for our misfortune? It’s the heavy school work or the endless work shifts or the Danny "Big Foot" Williams in the world that keep us from things. But I guess that is natural. Our fingers are not meant for point at ourselves…

…unless we’re in front of a mirror. Then it’s real easy. I'm not saying beat yourself up when misfortunes come your way. I'm just saying being opened minded to the concept that you have more control of your life than you think would do everyone some good.

“I'm older now,” I thought as I gathered the documents into Holly’s file and reminiscing Mrs. O'Keefe's exercise, “and Miss Holly Simpson, youu’rrrrreeeeee ouuuuttttttaaaa here!”