Misfortunes, I thank thee

A couple of weeks ago I got an email alert on my iphone that interrupted me from my daily “mirror talk.”
“You’re awesome.”
“No you’re awesome”

You get the idea. Anyways, the email was from a gentleman unknown to me with a message that went a little something like this.

Hello, it’s that time again! I will send you two cheques soon. Seems like it’s been forever!

I couldn’t explain it. After reading this email, I lean back in my chair and analyzed it. “It’s that time again,” could refer to rent of some sort. Yes, that’s it! This guy owes me rent money! It’s about time! That fucker has been dodging me for months and now he’s trying to casually pay up like there are no hard feelings! Well he’s got another thing coming! Hmmm good theory. Too bad I don’t own any properties to rent out. “Two cheques.” Maybe he’s one of my whores from back in the good days when pimpin’ wasn’t easy and Vanilla Ice was big in the streets. Hmmm, there's one problem with that hypothesis. Vanilla Ice was never hot on the streets, ohhhhhhhhhhhh burn! Plus, Berty McFlirty paid all his debts, with a little persuasion of course. “Seems like it’s been forever.” Maybe this mystery guy is some obsessed fan that creeps on me from dark bushes and because of the cold season he becomes victim to frost bites and has to put his stalker career on hold. That’s it!

Dear loyal fan, it’s not surprising that I don’t know who you are. In my line of work I meet many many people. In fact, my fan count has quadrupled since this blog site started, putting me at 4 subscribers. Anyways, I would like to thank you for the kind donations but can you just email transfer those funds to me? I don’t like cheques on the account of having to walk to the bank and standing in line. Thank you. Attached is a photograph with my autograph.

Send. He replies.

Sorry….Wrong guy.

Sigh. Life is funny like that. At times you feel unstoppable; your band just completed their full length album and are gearing up for a tour; you are experiencing great cooperation with the clients you are dealing with at work; you find an incredible person that will listen to your ridiculous story before making out with you without wanting money. Yeeee dat’s wifey right der, naw’im'sayin’ naw’im’sayin’? And when things can’t seem to get better and your feet are both off the ground life sends something to cut you down to size. Like that email. Not only is he not a fan, he also got the wrong person. What I’m trying to say is our egos often take us away from truly enjoying the blessings in our lives and eventually we need misfortunes to remind us that. Be humble with your fortunes or else they’ll leave you one day…like Berty McFlirty, but that’s another story.