Didn't Expect That Did You?

“Expect the unexpected.” Many read this quote and reply, “yes, absolutely.” Because what better way to live than to always be prepared. In case there is a tornado or a nuclear bomb, we have bunkers filled with canned food. In case of dying and leaving our loved ones with no financial support, we have life insurance. And in case the blind date takes a turn for the worst, a friend is ready to call us with news of an “unexpected emergency” that requires our attention immediately. Wait. Did I contradict myself with that last example? Could it be that sometimes things happening unexpectedly could benefit us more than expecting it? And can I take it one step further and claim that sometimes the more we expect or want things to happen the chances of it occurring decreases? Expect the unexpected. Maybe not.

Two summers ago I woke up in the dead of night with a strange feeling I couldn’t shake; not because there was an unknown girl in a gargoyle costume sleeping next to me and not even because I was in a sailor moon costume myself. It was because I developed a strong craving for broccoli and cheese soup with four crackers to be eaten with a white plastic disposable spoon. The soup couldn’t be too hot so that I could take bite after bite without stopping from tongue burns. It would be perfect. I fell back asleep with plans to stop by a Quiznos at lunchtime to satisfy this strange need.

“I’m sorry sir,” said the employee, “but we ran out of soup for the week.”

“Well isn’t that convenient!” I was pissed. “And what are you staring at??”

“ummm, why are you in a sailor moon costume?”

I hightailed out of there, desperate like a crack head looking for his next fix. My next stop, Wendy’s.

“Hi,” there was no time to waste. I definitely started to feel an itch. “I need to know if you have the Broccoli and cheese –“

“Haha, yes sir, we definitely do!”

“Oh thank God! I’ll take one! Make that two!”

10 minutes later.

“There you are sir, two Broccoli and Cheese baked potates.”

“Thank you so mu--, wait, what!?

It wasn’t until 2 months later while ordering a buffalo chicken burger at Kelsey’s that this happened:

“And what would you like as one of your sides, sir? We have fries, garden salad, Caesar salad, broccoli cheese soup, mash potates”

“Excuse, what? Say that again.”

“Mash potatoes, sir.”

“No before that.”

“Caesar salad.”

“After that.”

“Soup?”

“Before that.”

“Fries.”

“After that.”

“Broccoli?”

“and after that?”

“Cheese.”

“and after that?”

“Soup.”

“I’ll take the soup!” One tear of happiness. Ok maybe two.

Let me tell you another true story. Once there was this guy named Murphy. He was in love with this girl who couldn’t even stand the sound of his name! She was a high-class hooker who only liked partying with the sheriffs and the bandits, separately of course. You see, she had a thing for people who associated with the law; upholding or breaking. Poor Murphy tried everything to get her attention; a dozen roses, poetry, and even a tattoo of her face on his chest. Still, she paid him no mind. Every night, Murphy sat in his home manifesting ways to steal her heart. Two years past with no success and Murphy had had enough.

“It’s time to change!” he announced to himself. “No longer shall I be this pathetic man that calls himself Murphy and no longer will I try to claim this sweet high-class hooker’s heart!”

So he literal changed his name and he became happy. He walked with a hop in his step and lived a very happy couple of month, forgetting what’s-her-name, until one night, things got even better. While walking down the street looking for a new hooker friend a lady approached him.

“Why aren’t you handsome!” She said, “I reckon I want to spend the rest of my life with you, stranger.”

It was her, his one and only love. The one he had totally forgot about.

“What’s your name?” She asked.

And he replied, “It use to be Murphy, long ago. Now it’s Murphy’s Law.”

“How is that even a name?”

He shows her his blockbuster card.

“So your full name is Murphy’s Law Thompson?”

“Don’t wear it out.”

“So you wanna party or what?”

“Ok”

The End.