“Here lies the heart-broken blogger. May he rest in peace,” it reads on a tombstone planted on soft dirt in a quiet open cemetery field. So quiet that you can hear my screaming as I pound at the coffin door from the inside!
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I live! I live!"
The fresh pile of dirt above me gives a little and the hinges on the door participates with my escape. You see, the more words I write in this entry, the more strength I will have to getting myself out of this coffin. You like that huh?
Did I tell you that I love zombie movies? Well I do. There’s something about slow moving brain eaters chasing perfectly healthy, smart human beings around that really hits me right here….(I’m pointing to my heart). In truth, I’m rooting for the zombies anyways. Poor things, they just want some brain, and all they get is their heads blown off. That was quite possible the dirtiest sentences I ever wrote, not including all my erotic novels of course. But really, I love the scenes when a “victim” is being chased…sorry, followed, down a hallway by some zombies, and they can’t seem to open that door! Cue mob of zombies moaning. Oh my god, the suspense! So the victim is screaming and crying and panicking trying to figure out how the damn door knob works, looking back from time to time to realize that they still have roughly 30 minutes before the zombies get there. And yet they are so distraught that for the life of them, they can’t open this god-for-saken door! Then, when the zombie’s teeth is oh so close to the victim’s ass, they end up jumping out the damn window. A window I swear was not there until that very moment! Then there’s more screaming and crying as they run down the street. Classic right?
Makes you realize that if you can’t make something work the way you want it to, maybe it’s time to find a window. Let’s paraphrase.
For the last couple months I’ve been overly hopeful that I had found the girl of my dreams. So, throwing my successful careers as a blogger away, I pursue her whole-heartedly only to be denied. So now I’ve turned to porn (“the window!” shouts Mr. Obvious) and trying to reclaim my reputation as a blogger. Not at the same time of course. That would be a messy keyboard. Ohhhhhhhhhhh haha *pause* awkward.
So here I am, nearly buried alive because I just kept trying to open that faulty door. I part the dirt aside with my hands, gasping for air in the dead of night. The moon glows as if to say “welcome back to the living ZOMBIE-BLOGGER! MUUAHAHAHAHA!” I’m back! *pause* Bitch.
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