No Matter How Things Change, They Always Stay The Same

As though in different light
A past image emerges
Signaling that it was always around
For it was a stranger's stare
That shook me so
Like the world was leaving me behind
But it wasn't a laugh
Or a look of the eyes
It was much more subtle to describe
Maybe a flick of the hair
Or just a sun light's glare
That brought me back to that person I use to know
And speechless I stood
And recognized, I felt
Maybe this anger was manifested
From a phase in time
When all was confused
Or awkwardly looking for escape
And we are not ourselves when we fight what we felt
Or else we'd have surrendered
But now, in the distances
That was built in the aftermath
I see what I ran from
I feel what I missed
Accept what transpired
And smile that it's still alive

Blame It All On Being Older Now

A week ago, I was at the Registry renewing my driver’s license. Apparently, it expires after 5 years and an updated picture was required. She told me not to smile and the next minute a blinding flash painted the small room bright. My eyes re-focused on a monitor in front of me; on the left of which displayed my old picture and on the right, my recently taken one.

“You look exactly the same as you did 5 years ago!” She complimented.

“Just physically,” I corrected.

I’m a year older today and an article about my current thoughts seem fitting enough, so here goes. “If we’re not constantly growing, we’re dead,” said Lauryn Hill, as a response to those who claim that she’s changed since reaching superstar status. And ever since then, I’ve made a conscious effort to evolve, so to speak, as much and as often as I can. Indeed, that boy in the five year old driver license picture is not who you see in front of you now. And I can probably say the same about me, a year ago. Whether the changes are from tragedy or fortune, I find comfort in knowing that I’m slightly a different person because of them.

Could this comfort be a sense of maturity? Maybe. However, I have plenty of stories from this year alone that will reveal to you that I am far from it. But doesn’t maturity just creep up on you from time to time? I feel that my ability to accept the things that happen puts me on that stairwell to manhood. Perhaps, the greatest thing I’ve come to understand in life is how little control we have. Yeah, there are books out there that cheer us on to take control of our lives, and I’m not denying that we can, however, we can only control what we are able to control; which, like I said, is not much. And this statement is in no way meant to be negative. On the contrary, knowing that we don’t have much control allows us to choose our battles with the universe without regrets and to understand the motives of others.

In the pasting year of my life I’ve lived days on end out of a studio, written and record 9 songs alone in my room, chased an Edible Arrangement delivery van down a busy part of Jasper Avenue under a warm sunny afternoon, made out with a taken girl in the back seat of her car, been dumped thousands of kilometers from home, woke up in bed with blood all over my boxers, , went on a date with a girl that turned out to be a drug dealer, found a wound on my side that is still unexplained to this day and those are the things that I can remember. I’ve written countless articles and discovered many life changing songs, movies and books; been heartbroken too, but in the process, befriended many who were willing to lend some glue. So I guess I’ll conclude with the following.

People are naturally selfish and rightly so. The best we can ask for is that they have good intentions and respect for us. For example, she kissed me with the intent that the relationship would work out but she could not control the fact that she needed something different than what I was offering. Or, his intention was for us to grow up together and have beers on the patio we built but he couldn’t control the fact that he got cancer. Cause intentions are wishful thinking in a world where control is so scarce. People change; sometimes unintentionally and with those changes we find ourselves outcasts to their new lives. We hold so much against the people who let us down that we kill ourselves dwelling in it; the victims that we are. But are we? Had not for those changes, would this very article exist? In turn, would I, the man before you, exist? I won’t go as far as saying that things happen for a reason for the simple fact that I don’t want to get spiritual. So I’ll simply say that the world is alive and things will change. Let it.

The Comfort of Chaos

"There's something seriously wrong here," I said, referring to a relationship that I am currently engaged in.

"What's the problem?" asked my audience, a person that I've confide in for as long as I can remember.

"Absolutely nothing." I reply. I mean, she's gorgeous, fun, and has been treating me great!

Reminds me of the time we camped out in a barn located at the edge of nowhere just south of no place. My band was playing a festival called Backwater Bash organized by a carpenter who had a lot of land and a love of music. There were 10 plus bands playing two sets over two nights. We camped where we could, ate what we packed, and drank anything and everything with alcohol content, including a jalapeño wine that a creepy old man was passing around. The last few bands were setting up right around the time I passed out in the tent, approximately at 4 in the morning.

Regardless of the deep sleep that I fell in to I found myself wide eyed and border line scared about 2 hours later. The morning was quiet and I could hear voices in the distances.

"Good set man!"

"How about one more song?"

The last band had finished. They must have ended their set with a loud bang or something to have wakened me up. I tried to find a comfortable position to drift back asleep to but nothing would allow it. I realized later that the thing that woke me was not a loud bang or a tough nudge; far from it. The thing that woke me up and left me uneasy was the silence of the undeveloped countryside.

Strange how the loud chaos that is rock and roll was what soothed me to sleep yet the comfort calmness of nature make me edgy, paranoid even. I laid in my bed after that trip and dosed off quick, surrounded by the sirens and traffic of the big city. There was even a point when I heard a gunshot and smiled a little.

"Things are quiet," I whispered to my audience across the table from me. "Way too quiet."

"Actually things are quiet loud." she replied. “We’re at Swiss Chalet during a lunch rush.”

Oh, right…

While People Sleep

God forbid that I have used my sleep
At times when people wake
Reacquaint with ceilings off shade
That a night stand lamp dictates

Unfamiliar hours projects from awkward clocks
While silences hums a tune
Curious closed eyes wonder most
Of slaveries under the moon

But soon necks will give, heavy heads fall
The determine yawn will cry
Motherly lungs will take control
While lids strangle the eyes

And without a doubt efforts will tucker out
Even the stubbornness of wake
Which will live tomorrow with such regret
And pray for time they should have breaked

Backup Plans?

In the event that
In an attempt at

Love, I fail
Above safe rails

Lies a back up rope
So a sap could cope

If stored in mind
Were more in line

Rebound, if short
See 'round for sport

Is it justified?
Or lusted lies?

That hurts the now
And bursts and allows

For faults to surface
And vaults the purpose

Chivalry Belongs to Technology Now

Chivalry belongs to technology now
Luxuries to impress is effortless
Damned are you that hold open doors
When the next can't afford any less

Oh hearts will melt at conveniences
Such as televisions in transportations
God forbid that mouths do work
Communication building relations

On occasion send voices to eager ears
Instead of pixels to the eyes
And here I will correct myself
Technology caused chivalry's demise

Relative Perception

These Ideas, I pitch
Whilst in that ditch
So full of naivety
And hopes of longevity

Though her eyes did spark
From the light in her dark
Relative perception
Is indeed full of deception

So I flip though charts
With works of art
Born of great mistakes
And roads I did not take

Same time, I showed no fear
Which drew her near
My words opened doors
Had her saying "forever more"

Or so I thought I heard
But words sometimes are words
And a smile showed
Realized that she was oh so cold

So she warmed up near me
While hearts grew weary
Cause it was I, so clear
Who fell for my own ideas